You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
