It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
