It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
