Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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