I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
