the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
