I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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