just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
