Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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