Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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