Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
