I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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