Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
