I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
