My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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