so that wasnt chicken after all
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
