ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
