You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
