put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
