I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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