I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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