shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
