Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
