it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my shit smells like andre
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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