I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
