Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
