she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
