Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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