i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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