Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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