I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
