she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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