names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
