the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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