dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
