Tell her she can't have a vagina
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
