Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
