i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
