At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
