man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
