Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
