dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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