dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she peed on how many people?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I supernannyed him into submission
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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