dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
