i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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