Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
