please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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