I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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