NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
