Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Are we still banned from the library?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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