Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
